hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
