Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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