oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
