I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
