I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
