using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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