So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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