"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
