I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found your dick twin last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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