If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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