maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
