Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
