that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
