you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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