I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
