Barsexuality is the new black.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A+ Viking dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
