Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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