so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
