Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
