so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
