the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
