Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
