Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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