3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
