Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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