we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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