Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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