Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize