i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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