That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
