Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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