He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
