And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
