So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
