Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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