I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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