but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
