my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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