Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
