No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
