I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
