Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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