I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize