so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
