he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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