I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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