I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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