My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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