Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
