I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
