Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
