Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
