His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
