Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
