I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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