I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
