I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
