I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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