I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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