She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
