but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
