I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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