youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
