youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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