Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
