Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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