i don't like sucking hair
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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