it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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