I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
