um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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