I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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